You Know You're A Mom When...


Happy New Year’s Eve!! I can’t believe the end of the year is here and TMM is 1 year old!! Thank you so much for following along on this crazy journey through motherhood with me.

I wanted to have a good laugh together as we close out the year.

I laugh with all of my mom friends constantly about the wild shit that comes out of our mouths now that we are parents. It's like never in a million years did I think I would be saying or thinking half this stuff. SO I put together a fun little compilation of all the stuff/ things that can be said and done when you're a mom.

You know you're a mom when:

  • You say the sentence "I think my nipples are chapped"
  • 6:30pm is an appropriate time to put your pajamas on and go to bed. 
  • You think about drinking wine at noon.
  • You drink wine at noon.
  • You've actually had to take food into the shower with you or else you won't eat.
  • You pull up to the grocery store just as your baby falls asleep so you sit in the car and wait it out, despite being in a total rush.
  • You look forward to nap time like Leonardo DiCaprio is coming over for an afternoon reaundveu. 
  • You can kiss wearing hoop earrings or necklaces goodbye.
  • You think at least once a day that you hope when your child grows up they don't hate you.
  • You've thought about punching your husband as he lays there peacefully asleep as you get up for the 3rd time in the middle of the night.
  • You buy only organic and non GMO food for your baby and a Snickers and a $5 bottle of wine for yourself. 
  • Sentances like "don't rub your penis on the carpet" come out of your mouth.
  • you find yourself getting really good at doing everything extremely quietly. 
  • you look at the clock at noon and start counting down bedtime. 
  • you look at the clock and wonder if 4pm is too early for bedtime.  
  • Your bladder is constantly full. 
  • you don't know the last time you shaved your legs.  
  • You’ve actually had to say “Please stop slapping your penis. “ 


And there you have it, a glimpse of real motherhood. Motherhood is not the perfectly staged Instagram photo, it’s hairy legs and spanx.  


Till next time!! 





Natalie SchwartzComment