Let's talk about sex shall we, are you having it? Me neither, well not a lot anyway. I hate that this is such a taboo topic because let's face it no one wants anyone else thinking that they aren't a total freak in the bedroom 7 nights a week for their husband. I mean really, let's play this out… you just had a baby pass through your body, you are nursing every hour on the hour or making a bottle and this little sweet person is your world. You are sleep deprived your hormones are out of wack and the last thing you want is anyone else needing to be “on you”.
I think this is totally NORMAL and it's healthy. Your body is taking that first year to heal and nourish another person and being tired is no F-ing joke.
Did you know “lost sex drive after baby” is a top google search?!
I've talked with so many moms that are embarrassed or nervous to admit that they don't feel like having sex with their husband and I felt that way too, until I talked to other moms who weren't doing it either. It's ok ladies, it's normal and it shall pass.
According to OBGYN Laura McKain, “It's normal to have a decreased sex drive after giving birth. This feeling can last for months. In one study of postpartum women, 20 percent had little or no desire for sex three months after delivery, and another 21 percent had a complete loss of desire or aversion to sexual activity.
A number of factors contribute to these feelings. First, your sex drive has to compete with the overwhelming fatigue that results from taking care of a newborn. New babies are demanding. They require round-the-clock attention and a great deal of physical contact. This can be both physically and emotionally draining. When you finally have a moment to yourself, you may need a break from intense physical attachment, making sex low on your list of priorities.
Second, your body is healing from the ordeal of labor and delivery. Major hormonal shifts are taking place that can make you feel off balance. You may also worry that intercourse will be painful, and for many women, the first sexual encounters after childbirth are uncomfortable. Also, your body is still recovering from giving birth, and you may not feel as attractive as usual. These feelings can have a dramatic impact your body image and make you feel less sexy and desirable.”
I want to bring this topic to the table for discussion because I don't want anyone to ever feel ashamed or embarrassed, or like they aren't doing their “wifely duties” (barf).
I nursed Jack 2 weeks past his first birthday and when I began to wean him my sex drive came back full force. I know it is different for everyone but there is a light at the end of the very dry tunnel.
And sometimes you are just so F-ing tired, tired in a way no man can comprehend. And sometimes you are tired and that second glass of wine after bedtime routine is done, has the reverse effect. The 21yr old freak suddenly falls asleep in her mom jeans on the couch.
I'm thankful for an understanding husband.
But I'm even more thankful for all the mamas who have shared their stories and concerns with me. I'm hear to tell ya it's ok if your sex drive has temporarily left the building, she’ll be back, but for now put that energy towards raising and loving your baby.