Do you ever think to yourself “what in the actual fuck?” Because I said those very words to myself when I looked down and saw the two yellow Winnie The Pooh ears of Jack’s bath towel on my lap while I was going pee. Yes, you read that right. He was losing his shit after bath and I had to pee so we met in the middle, my lap equals me “holding him” (his favorite past time) which equals no crying.
It’s instances like these that I just have to to laugh and want to cry all at once because it’s like "really?!". You get held all day long and loved on, and now I am even doing it while I pee, I mean where’s the personal space here? Oh ya, I signed up for this.
Motherhood is the craziest experience I know I will ever have, because it’s scary and beautiful and exhausting and rewarding all at the same time. How is that possible? I feel like I spawned the only 15 month old adorable bipolar child that ever lived.
I literally watched in the rearview mirror as my son shoved his hand in his mouth and 2 seconds later his lunch was in the car seat. Why, why is he doing this and then crying and then smiling? In the moment, as I am pulling into the Nordstrom parking lot it’s not funny, but it’s also not his fault. And am I going to be a scary mommy and scold my baby for gagging himself? Of course not.
That's the thing, there's no rationalizing. There's also no breaks or downtime during the day where you can just spontaneously feel like taking a nap or go get a pedicure… Your life becomes about someone else now. Your days are filled with thinking about ways you can tire them out at the park or entertain them with non toxic paint. So long are the impromptu happy hours with the girls, but if we're being real most of “the girls” are also mothers now too.
Motherhood is a wild life changing experience that no one can truly prepare you for until you've experienced it yourself.
No one tells you about the increased arguing with your spouse in the first few months (mostly do to lack of sleep) and the decrease in the hot sex department.
Oh the joys of motherhood, should I go on?
You can also say goodbye to ever wearing white again, yep that color died with your freedom. And so did any top that doesn't button down the middle for easy access to your boobs.
On the flip side you become even better at multitasking than you were pre baby, because you are a woman, we’re born multitaskers.
You become incredibly efficient with your “free time”. My husband is shocked to shit when he takes the baby for 2 hours and comes home and I've basically done like 100 things.
You will also learn how to do anything and everything as quietly as possible.
You can change a diaper in the backseat while breastfeeding and talking on the phone, actually you’ll find you can do a lot of stuff breastfeeding.
You won't care too much anymore about some of the selfish things you used to, because your cares shift to your child and their selfish needs.
You become more empathetic, emotional, and tolerant than you ever have before.
But more than all of the shit shows you are about to experience and the roller coaster of emotions, I promise you that you will experience something unimaginable when you hold your baby for the first time.
Becoming a mother changes you, it moves your soul and pushes the boundaries of your love for someone further than you knew existed.
Jack is the blessing of my life and watching him grow and explore the world around him is fucking incredible.
Being called “mama” as they curl into you for a snuggle is better than any Nordstrom anniversary sale or glass of wine there is.
Motherhood is what life's all about. Motherhood is a gift we are given as mamas, but it's a gift we give the world by raising kind and compassionate human beings.
I raise a glass of Chardonnay to all the mamas who are getting by one day at a time and who shower their children with love while also cursing them in their head.
You are not alone!!